In the past several weeks, I have done some soul-searching. My life has changed in many ways in the last several months, and I am happy where I have landed.A job that I am good at, a home I can call my own, a boyfriend that lets me be exactly who I am and a piece of mind that I haven’t felt in years.
This holiday season brings much to be thankful for and I can confidently say I have never been more humbled and joyed with what God has blessed me with. The sound advice from friends and loved ones that have helped me stand up for who I am and what I believe in. The support of people around me to be that person. And the spiritual peace I have been looking for.
I have had a lot of inner dialogue in the last year about who I need to be, as a woman of God, and have looked to my bible, devotionals and friends to push me forward. I feel with the help of a few, and a lot of battles, that I am finally headed toward that path.
I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I am self-conscious, impatient and emotional. All of these things are true. But more importantly, and what I realize today, is that I am a good woman. I am a strong woman. I am kind, gracious and loving. It has taken me years of trying to prove myself to others, to impress people, to win others over for me to realize that so many of the people I try to impress and win over, will never give me the love and respect that I deserve.
I am a good friend, a good daughter and someone who other’s rely on. Yet when the tables are turned, I have found so few people to cover my back. No longer. I am investing in the strongest relationships in my life now. My relationship with God, and my relationship with myself. I have learned recently that giving yourself time is not selfish, and sometimes putting yourself first is not greedy. It’s loving who God made you to be. That’s not selfish or greedy at all. But giving back to his kingdom.
So you see, I’m done trying to be anyone that I am not. I am finished with trying to please others with what they think I should be. I am going to be who I am. Who I want to be and what God has intended for me.
I had a conversation with my cousin the other day and she said, “Be the voice for your other half. Stand up for them when other’s speak against them. They need to do that for you too. Soon enough, your relationship will speak for itself. Be happy in who you are. Don’t let the hate overpower the love in your life. Let it speak for itself.”
She blessed me so deeply with those words. And helped me to let go with that. I am going to love everyone around me, feel happy and blessed- because I am, and let my relationship- with myself, with God and with my significant other speak for itself. The act and words of God will speak far louder than any hate from others could.
Remember that this season. Take the blessing God has given you in being who you are. He made you that way for a reason. Take your blessings and be loved and spread that love as God wanted. Be the blessing.