Does it ever occur to you that the relationships you nurture most are ones that others could care less about?
I had that epiphany today. In the past few days I’ve had two wonderful conversations with two very important men in my life. The first was with my friend, Brando, who’s in my program at UNI. He and I have been friends since freshman year and now as seniors, have become close. After he dated one of my roommates, we got to know each other even better, and today I respect his opinion as truth. I know he will tell me truly what he thinks, and that’s powerful.
The second conversation I had was with my ex, Adam. Those of you who read my blog, know our relationship as a very volatile one. Adam and I go from being friends one day to not speaking the next. He hasn’t been a constant in my life since 2008, but I still consider him as one of my best and truest friends.
Until yesterday, I hadn’t seen either of these gentleman in weeks. The beautiful thing about these relationships though is that neither side has to really nurture it. Neither side has to work to develop anything. Weeks go by and the second we’re back having a drink or coffee together, everything’s the same. These are the relationships I should value more in my life. I have people in my life that I see maybe only once or twice a year that are more genuine and legitimate in their intentions of our friendship than those I see on a daily basis.
I have been so concerned with relationships around me that I thought I was getting something out of. Relationships that I gave and gave and gave to but the one time I should be able to take, no one’s there. That’s a lesson I’ve been learning time and time again in the past few months.
It’s funny, it dawned on me today that while I was abroad, I had- outside of speaking with my family- 3 people I talked to/skyped with on a normal basis. Sydney, Ashley and Conor. That’s it. One relationship I have in my life hurts me a lot with this. I just figured it was how she was while I was abroad, when we were best friends before I left for Greece. I spoke to her twice the entire semester I was gone. Twice. Today, she takes time on a weekly basis to skype with friends around the country and the world. But never was I given that kind of love. Maybe I can attribute that to her age then and now, maybe I can attribute that to her going abroad after I did and understanding that need, or maybe I truly can attribute it to her not giving an F… either way, it still hurts me today to think of that.
So… here’s the lesson. Learn to choose your friends wisely. Very wisely. Recognize when things are reciprocated to you and when you’re being used. Most importantly, make time for the relationships you truly value, that deserve your nurturing. To the rest of those relationships that are only on the surface, don’t burn bridges… but just remember that those people will not be there for you when you expect or need them to be.